So it’s probably not news that my dog thinks he’s my second child. If my daughter is in my lap, he wants to be in my lap too. And both of them just barely fit. Especially when the cat joins in. I mean, Mommy’s lap is only so big, and that side of the couch can only hold so much weight. Really, is there something wrong with the other side of the couch? And let’s not talk about when I go to use the restroom… Sometimes I go to work just to be alone. It’s nice. And quiet.
But anyway. I feed the dog twice a day, once in the morning, and once at night. And apparently, he can’t eat if no one else is eating. I don’t eat breakfast at home in the morning (no time), but my daughter does. And he will wait until she’s eating breakfast to start eating. If she’s not there in the morning, he will leave the bowl full of food until I get home and have a snack before dinner to eat it. When I fill the bowl at dinner time, he waits until we are eating dinner at the table to eat. If he’s outside, he somehow knows when we are eating, and barks to come in. I used to think he could hear the timer on the microwave or the oven, and would use that “bell” to come in (my daughter wants his middle name to be ‘lunchbox’ and I want it to be ‘Pavlov.’ Seeing as he’s my dog, you would think I would win this argument, but my husband is on her side). But some nights I don’t use any timers, and he still knows when to come in and “eat” with us.
Of course, there's his disgusting habit of letting me know when he's eaten - he comes over to me, wherever I am, and burps at me (his bowl is in the kitchen, and we eat in the dining room). Then he rolls around on the floor on his back to help the food digest, or something. Yup, who would want to miss that twice a day, every day?
Friday, December 17, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Slogans and Such
Living in PA and working in MD, I do a lot of driving. Which means I see a lot of “Keep our state beautiful” signs (MD and PA both use these signs, although Marylanders appear to be more proud of their state’s natural resources in most places, if you were to judge by the sides of the highways). Recently I was on a trip to Washington, the Evergreen State. Now, if my license plate can’t read “Live Free or Die” I think “The Evergreen State” isn’t a bad second choice. However, I think they’ve got the best ‘don’t litter’ sign campaign I’ve ever seen. Everywhere you go, there are signs that read, “If you litter, IT WILL HURT.” Now, while that is probably referring to the devastation of the natural resources, it conjures up pictures of an angry NFL-type bouncer following people around to make sure that they don’t litter, and if they do, punching them to ensure that they don’t ever, ever do it again. Sometimes it’s great to work in government.
In my life, I have also managed to come up with a few lines of my own which I think would make great t-shirts. I think they would be marketable.
“I’m not fat, I’m Italian”
This is particularly applicable to one side of my family, where my relatives are known for feeding people. One Thanksgiving in particular, whenever one type of food would run out (whipped cream, meatballs, cheese topping for the pasta….) my grandmother could be quoted as saying, “Don’t worry, I’ve got more.”
“If you hit on me, I will hit back”
I imagine this would appeal more to the feminine side of the population, but perhaps more ironic males would wear it. Last month, I was walking into a retail store, and carrying the trash bag from my vehicle so I could throw it out. A male, about my age, was walking in the opposite direction. I was concentrating on what I was doing, thinking about work, minding my own business. The male looks at me and says, “You dropped something back there,” pointing behind me. Thinking some trash had fallen out of my bag, and not wanting to litter, I looked back, concerned. “I did?” I said. “Your smile,” he says cheesily, and then smiles at me, also cheesily, and expectantly. My mind went completely blank for a second. Then I thought several things: Is he trying to hit on me? Creepy! Did he really just say that?! What kind of response do you give that? Astutely, I said, “Oh.” And proceeded to stand there stupidly for a minute before continuing on my way. Now, if I had been wearing the above shirt, I feel that I may have been justified in hitting him (although not, perhaps, during work hours). Not that I am necessarily a fan of violence, but if men are warned off beforehand, they should know to keep their mouths shut. And if they are warned and don’t, then they deserve what’s coming, because, hey, they were warned.
In my life, I have also managed to come up with a few lines of my own which I think would make great t-shirts. I think they would be marketable.
“I’m not fat, I’m Italian”
This is particularly applicable to one side of my family, where my relatives are known for feeding people. One Thanksgiving in particular, whenever one type of food would run out (whipped cream, meatballs, cheese topping for the pasta….) my grandmother could be quoted as saying, “Don’t worry, I’ve got more.”
“If you hit on me, I will hit back”
I imagine this would appeal more to the feminine side of the population, but perhaps more ironic males would wear it. Last month, I was walking into a retail store, and carrying the trash bag from my vehicle so I could throw it out. A male, about my age, was walking in the opposite direction. I was concentrating on what I was doing, thinking about work, minding my own business. The male looks at me and says, “You dropped something back there,” pointing behind me. Thinking some trash had fallen out of my bag, and not wanting to litter, I looked back, concerned. “I did?” I said. “Your smile,” he says cheesily, and then smiles at me, also cheesily, and expectantly. My mind went completely blank for a second. Then I thought several things: Is he trying to hit on me? Creepy! Did he really just say that?! What kind of response do you give that? Astutely, I said, “Oh.” And proceeded to stand there stupidly for a minute before continuing on my way. Now, if I had been wearing the above shirt, I feel that I may have been justified in hitting him (although not, perhaps, during work hours). Not that I am necessarily a fan of violence, but if men are warned off beforehand, they should know to keep their mouths shut. And if they are warned and don’t, then they deserve what’s coming, because, hey, they were warned.
Friday, July 9, 2010
In Which I Decide I Would Like A Career In Advertising
Dear Sir Or Madam:
I would like to apply for the position of Advertising Associate I saw advertised on Craigslist. Although for the past five years I have been working in the Environmental field, organizing and maintaining approximately one hundred petroleum remediation cases and ensuring compliance with regulatory statutes, I feel that I could make a worthwhile contribution to the field of advertising, particularly to your company. I am also a graduate of College with a Master of Science in Biology and a minor in Psychology. Throughout the past several years I have seen many of the advertising promotions produced by your firm, and I feel that even in a drunken state I could have created better campaigns. In fact, the seven goats in my back yards could probably have done better with a fire and smoke signals.
In my current position, I have assisted my company in reviewing and revitalizing cases over twenty years old, setting them on a tracking system, analyzing large amounts sampling data for these historical cases, and making decisions on future remedial actions, all while keeping public health and the environment in mind. Meanwhile, I have noticed that two of your clients, (shall we call them Wally World, and a really, really large gasoline chain), have had extensive advertising campaigns, both of which involved convincing the world that they are not evil, and that, instead, they are out to do the world good. As far as I’m concerned, if a company has to continually strive to convince the public that they are not evil, or out to harm the environment, then something is seriously wrong with their public image and probably how they conduct business.
I was, however, very intrigued by the advertising slogan put forth from a local oil company (I knew your company was involved when I heard the tagline at the end of the radio advertisement), touting oil as the one true “clean energy.” Clean as compared to what? Coming from a position in which I have seen that a long-term small heating oil leak can cause long-term damage which may take years to remediate, and even contamination to supply wells, I find this hard to believe. And compared to a heat pump, propane, or even wood heat, I am at a loss to see what is ‘cleaner’ about oil. Do they mean cleaner than coal? Because that’s about all I can come up with.
I did enjoy the advertising wit of the local crab dealer (kudos to your office for this one, which I’m assuming somebody who’s on some nice meds came up with. Either that or a really lonely person), “Nice males, 3 for $99.” If only it were that easy.
While amused at the slogan of a doctor’s office I was at for work, I also found it troubling: “You’re real sick. We’re real doctors.” Is that supposed to be funny? Or scary? And I’m letting these people take my blood?
I am very interested in becoming part of your company, as I feel that it will require minimal work on my part for maximum results on your part, as long as the public is willing to be convinced. Apparently, as long as pretty people and pictures are involved, they are. I believe that my ability to analyze, multi-task with minimal supervision, while maintaining a high degree of accuracy, organization, and efficiency in my work, would benefit your company. I may be reached at the address and phone number provided. I look forward to hearing from you.
I would like to apply for the position of Advertising Associate I saw advertised on Craigslist. Although for the past five years I have been working in the Environmental field, organizing and maintaining approximately one hundred petroleum remediation cases and ensuring compliance with regulatory statutes, I feel that I could make a worthwhile contribution to the field of advertising, particularly to your company. I am also a graduate of College with a Master of Science in Biology and a minor in Psychology. Throughout the past several years I have seen many of the advertising promotions produced by your firm, and I feel that even in a drunken state I could have created better campaigns. In fact, the seven goats in my back yards could probably have done better with a fire and smoke signals.
In my current position, I have assisted my company in reviewing and revitalizing cases over twenty years old, setting them on a tracking system, analyzing large amounts sampling data for these historical cases, and making decisions on future remedial actions, all while keeping public health and the environment in mind. Meanwhile, I have noticed that two of your clients, (shall we call them Wally World, and a really, really large gasoline chain), have had extensive advertising campaigns, both of which involved convincing the world that they are not evil, and that, instead, they are out to do the world good. As far as I’m concerned, if a company has to continually strive to convince the public that they are not evil, or out to harm the environment, then something is seriously wrong with their public image and probably how they conduct business.
I was, however, very intrigued by the advertising slogan put forth from a local oil company (I knew your company was involved when I heard the tagline at the end of the radio advertisement), touting oil as the one true “clean energy.” Clean as compared to what? Coming from a position in which I have seen that a long-term small heating oil leak can cause long-term damage which may take years to remediate, and even contamination to supply wells, I find this hard to believe. And compared to a heat pump, propane, or even wood heat, I am at a loss to see what is ‘cleaner’ about oil. Do they mean cleaner than coal? Because that’s about all I can come up with.
I did enjoy the advertising wit of the local crab dealer (kudos to your office for this one, which I’m assuming somebody who’s on some nice meds came up with. Either that or a really lonely person), “Nice males, 3 for $99.” If only it were that easy.
While amused at the slogan of a doctor’s office I was at for work, I also found it troubling: “You’re real sick. We’re real doctors.” Is that supposed to be funny? Or scary? And I’m letting these people take my blood?
I am very interested in becoming part of your company, as I feel that it will require minimal work on my part for maximum results on your part, as long as the public is willing to be convinced. Apparently, as long as pretty people and pictures are involved, they are. I believe that my ability to analyze, multi-task with minimal supervision, while maintaining a high degree of accuracy, organization, and efficiency in my work, would benefit your company. I may be reached at the address and phone number provided. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
A six-year weekend project
So my daughter is six, and a few times a year I will sew outfits for her (usually a Christmas dress and an Easter dress, pajamas, etc.). Over the years I've saved the material from those outfits, and some of the clothing she couldn't bear to let go, as well as from projects that we've done together. One year for Christmas we made people fleece blankets. We've made some latch-hook pillows. So, Last year I bought a book, "Easy Weekend Quilted Projects" or something (I know "easy" and "weekend" were definitely in the title) so I could make a quilt for her bed. Now, a year and a half later, I've finished it. As a side note, Chickie did also help me cut out some of the pieces for the quilt at the beginning, and do some of the pinning during the sewing. I think it turned out pretty well. But it will be a long time before I make another quilt again.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Life Without Cable
Living in the middle of nowhere, I don’t even think we can get cable. And satellite is expensive, so we don’t have that either. Or internet. Or even a landline phone. And we have to make cell phone calls pretty much on the front porch. Or standing on one leg in the kitchen, leaning as far into the windows as possible (what? WHAT?!). Yup, but we’ve got goats, and deer and foxes. And about six channels on our rabbit ears. There’s the two news channels (one for MD and one for PA), neither of them worth watching once they get past the weather report (sorry, I’m not much for listening to people whine about stuff. I spend enough time at work doing that). And then the weather-all-the-time channel (and not the real weather channel either. That would be too exciting). And then the two Christian-let’s-convert-you channels. And then, there’s THIS network. The channel that plays the movies with famous people in them before they were famous. Here’s a little sampling:
1. William Shatner and Patty Duke in the The Babysitter: Shatner was the father of a young, lonely girl. I’m still not sure if it was a horror-movie wannabe, or just creepy. (1980)
2. Charlton Heston in Call of the Wild: Actually, I think I saw this when I was younger (don’t think less of me, I had a Jack London thing).
3. Sean Connery in Cuba: He was so young, I only recognized him because of his voice. Although this one was actually kind of good. (1979)
4. Richard Gere in Breathless: Kind of like Grease meats the Outsiders without the catchy music. (1983)
1. William Shatner and Patty Duke in the The Babysitter: Shatner was the father of a young, lonely girl. I’m still not sure if it was a horror-movie wannabe, or just creepy. (1980)
2. Charlton Heston in Call of the Wild: Actually, I think I saw this when I was younger (don’t think less of me, I had a Jack London thing).
3. Sean Connery in Cuba: He was so young, I only recognized him because of his voice. Although this one was actually kind of good. (1979)
4. Richard Gere in Breathless: Kind of like Grease meats the Outsiders without the catchy music. (1983)
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Some comments on “The Obesity Epidemic”
Okay, so I started my diet again. I went to the doctors last week after a 7-day migraine headache (not fun) and didn’t like the weight on the scale. Keep in mind, I have managed to maintain my weight (after losing 45 pounds) for two years. Apparently, this is no easy feat. However, I never lost the final weight, having tired of dieting. I am active, exercise intensely 3-5 times a week, and eat healthy. But I cannot lose weight, even when limiting my junk food/dessert to only once per week. Which kind of sucks. So now I’m dieting. And I’ve noticed a few things.
1. I did an on-line BMI calculator. I am short. Even though I lost 45 pounds previously and if I had to stay this weight for the rest of my life I think I could live with it, I am still considered “morbidly obese.” So I entered my goal weight. I only managed to get down to “obese.” I took off 10 more pounds. Still “severely overweight.” Another 10 pounds. Now just “slightly overweight.” Another 10 pounds. Now I was “on target.” So I am 50 pounds overweight? I have never in my life been that weight. And I have been this height since 5th grade. Even then I weighed more than my ‘target’ weight. Sheesh. Apparently I’ve been an obese person pretty much my whole life. It’s amazing I’ve made it this far. I wonder what it would have said if I had put in my original weight. “Warning: you are an obese elephant who may keel over at any time. Seek immediate medical attention!”
2. Supermarkets suck. I went to the grocery store to buy supplies for this week’s diet. All the checkout lines are full of candy and chocolate. And now that I’m dieting, I’m hungry ALL the time. So I am tempted the entire half hour that I have to wait to put my groceries on the belt to pay. And it’s only 50 cents. And 150 calories. And 8 grams of fat. And I’m soooo hungry….
3. I have several common medical conditions. Most people don’t have quite as many of them as I have, but still. And almost all of them require medication. I have tried to handle my medical conditions ‘naturally’ and it doesn’t work. Of the eight medications that I take on a regular basis, seven of them have “weight gain” as a side effect. Guess what, my body takes that as a personal reason to keep me chubby. Seriously. I had one medication (that I am no longer on thank goodness) in which I gained 15 pounds in 1 month, while increasing my exercise to over 1 hour (of intense exercise) five times a week. It is the only time I’ve actually been able to convince a doctor that I needed to change medications. Of course, it took me years to get rid of the 15 pounds. How much other weight is from medication (a pound here, a pound there, two pounds for this one, three for another) I don’t know. But I stopped taking one medication last week due to side effects, and lost two pounds in one week. Before I even started dieting. Nothing else changed. What does that tell you?
Well, good luck to me.
1. I did an on-line BMI calculator. I am short. Even though I lost 45 pounds previously and if I had to stay this weight for the rest of my life I think I could live with it, I am still considered “morbidly obese.” So I entered my goal weight. I only managed to get down to “obese.” I took off 10 more pounds. Still “severely overweight.” Another 10 pounds. Now just “slightly overweight.” Another 10 pounds. Now I was “on target.” So I am 50 pounds overweight? I have never in my life been that weight. And I have been this height since 5th grade. Even then I weighed more than my ‘target’ weight. Sheesh. Apparently I’ve been an obese person pretty much my whole life. It’s amazing I’ve made it this far. I wonder what it would have said if I had put in my original weight. “Warning: you are an obese elephant who may keel over at any time. Seek immediate medical attention!”
2. Supermarkets suck. I went to the grocery store to buy supplies for this week’s diet. All the checkout lines are full of candy and chocolate. And now that I’m dieting, I’m hungry ALL the time. So I am tempted the entire half hour that I have to wait to put my groceries on the belt to pay. And it’s only 50 cents. And 150 calories. And 8 grams of fat. And I’m soooo hungry….
3. I have several common medical conditions. Most people don’t have quite as many of them as I have, but still. And almost all of them require medication. I have tried to handle my medical conditions ‘naturally’ and it doesn’t work. Of the eight medications that I take on a regular basis, seven of them have “weight gain” as a side effect. Guess what, my body takes that as a personal reason to keep me chubby. Seriously. I had one medication (that I am no longer on thank goodness) in which I gained 15 pounds in 1 month, while increasing my exercise to over 1 hour (of intense exercise) five times a week. It is the only time I’ve actually been able to convince a doctor that I needed to change medications. Of course, it took me years to get rid of the 15 pounds. How much other weight is from medication (a pound here, a pound there, two pounds for this one, three for another) I don’t know. But I stopped taking one medication last week due to side effects, and lost two pounds in one week. Before I even started dieting. Nothing else changed. What does that tell you?
Well, good luck to me.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Land of Ice and Snow
So, last Tuesday I got to leave work early to pick up my daughter at daycare due to the impending blizzard (is this number 3? I forget already). We had already received 2 feet of snow the previous weekend, and were due for more. The next morning we woke up and there was already a foot on the ground. We received another foot before it was over, giving us something like 4 feet of snow in our yard, five or so where it was drifting (my father-in-law called to tell us he saw Fawn Grove on the news- they said we were going to be one of the places that got the most snow. I mean, really? There’s not much going on in Fawn grove. We don’t even have a stop light.).
And nobody was even going to try to plow our road until Friday (we discovered) because the winds were so bad they couldn’t keep the main roads open. Or something like that. So we were stuck there for 4 days. With a 5-year-old. Apparently, when a child has nothing to do but play in the snow, they actually get tired of it. Who new? I learned a few things too, about myself. Like, if you watch the Wiggles enough, you start to think to yourself, “You know, I bet this would make a really good exercise program. I bet that’s how they stay in shape.” You also start to think about which Wiggle is the hottest one (I’m going with the blue one, and no, I haven’t watched it enough to keep their names straight yet.) Also, we watched the Doodlebops (it’s Canadian, for those of you uninitiated. But I think they got bought out by Disney.) And when you watch that long enough, you start to wonder what they really look like under all that makeup and stuff.
So, we did actually spend a lot of time in the snow. We made an igloo (how many times do you get to do that in southern PA?) And then, a few days later, the dog discovered he could make his way to the top of the igloo and bark his version of, “I’m king of the world!” Of course, he then had to find a way to get down. Today, we get to try to get my state truck out (king cab, 8-foot bed and no four-wheel drive. In what universe does that make any sense? Oh, wait, one where it doesn’t snow.
Beware: Angsty Rant
Okay, so recently I’ve moved. And now that unpacking is no longer my only form of exercise (try doing it for a weekend – 12 hours at a time – for two and half days – and you will see what I mean), I am back to reading while I ride the exercise bike. My new library has, nicely, labeled all the Christian fiction with these little ‘inspirational’ stickers, so I can avoid reading those. Not that I am opposed to Christians writing (or reading) fiction. I just find that, in general, they are not very good at writing it. Keep in mind, this is coming from someone who was only allowed to read people like Jeanette Oke and Laura Snelling growing up. So I know what I’m talking about. George MacDonald is one of my exceptions, but I didn’t come across him until college, and he’s hard to find (in the original), except on Project Gutenberg, and I’ve gone through most of those already.
So, I’ve recently come across this genre, which I think I will call pseudo-scientific fiction. An author decides to write a novel and include lots of science in it. Being a scientist, this appeals to me. What doesn’t appeal to me is that they botch the science and get away with it, and get lots of great reviews. Also, they seem to have a tendency to bash science while they’re at it. Why do I still have high levels of expectation? Maybe I have been reading too much Polkinghorne? Or Krakauer. I don’t know.
So two of my latest reads which made me pedal so hard the bike almost went through the window (good for calories; bad for blood pressure): The Family Tree (Carole Cadwalladr) and The Canopy (Angela Hunt). Let’s start with The Family Tree. Basically you old Nature vs. Nurture argument. Enter 30-something woman (Rebecca) married to brilliant geneticist. Woman has a problematic past, which includes parents that fought, strange siblings, and grandparents that were first cousins. Okay, so who doesn’t have that (well, maybe not the first-cousin grandparents)? Apparently, her husband, who is set up as her foil with the ‘perfect’ nuclear family, nice parents, and scientific background, believes that we are only the sum of our genes. The husband believes only nature, while Rebecca wants only to believe nurture. The author spouts out lots of science, including diagrams and graphs to make it seem more real (although the diagrams are not helpful, but distracting, and are not actually scientific diagrams from any actual text). Furthermore, she gets several points wrong concerning the science, including one which is crucial to the plot. According to her scientific world, blue-eyed parents can produce a brown-eyed child if there is a brown-eyed grandparent. Rebecca, working through her past with her cousined-grandparents, is surprised to learn that her maternal grandmother loved someone else. Someone else with brown eyes. She thinks that her mother is from a different father than her aunt, because of her sister’s brown eyes. In her mind, all her grandparents have blue eyes, although one of them has brown eyes. Both of her parents have blue eyes. Here’s the thing though: in the world we live in, blue-eyed parents only very rarely have a brown-eyed child. But this is never ever discussed in all the genetic verbage of the book. It’s just assumed that we know nothing about this and neither do any of the other people in the book (including the geneticist).
This is the thing about eyes: eye color alleles are additive (for more information, I suggest looking at this websites: The Genetics of Eye Color and Eye Colors) Dominant and recessive are only part of it (AaBb, all that). The more dominant (capital letters) you have, the more brownish your eyes get. The more lowercase letters you get, the more blue your eyes are. Most people have a mix. Which is where we get dark blue, green, light brown, etc. It’s a spectrum. So: aabbccdd is the lightest blue, while AABBCCDD is the darkest brown. But AaBbccdd is also blue, just a little darker. And aAbbCcdd is also blue. Etc. And if two people with blue eyes have children, their children can usually only have blue eyes. They don’t have enough capital letters, no matter how you mix them, to make a brown-eyed child. At most, they could make a child with green eyes. Maybe, if they both had really dark blue eyes (but usually this happens when a brown-eyed and blue-eyed person have kids).
There’s something else that bother’s me about this book. The author/Rebecca defines the Scientific Method as this:
1. Observe. Examine the details. Note the facts. Detail. Scrutinize.
2. Hypothesize. What theory could account for the fact?
3. Experiment. Test your hypothesis.
4. Evaluate the results.
Now, that’s somewhat accurate. But no hypothesis is called a theory until after years and years of evaluation. Futhermore, in the novel, Rebecca insinuates that the scientific method is a bit cyclical, in that scientists use it to test what they already know, so that they can confirm what they already know. But she, Rebecca, does not need this, because she obtains “knowledge from experience alone.” But what she is missing is that the scientific method should also be used for predicting future actions/events, etc. If the hypothesis works, it should not only be able to explain what happened, but predict what future events (for what it’s explaining) will be like. Otherwise it’s not very useful.
Okay, I guess I’m done ranting about it now. But if you’re going to write a good novel and include science, at least get your facts straight. I don’t even have time to go into the other novel here, except to say that it’s a Christian fiction book with an agenda (evolution = evil). If you want a wonderful scientific (and story) to read, let me suggest Kingbird Highway by Kenn Kaufman.
Things I have to Admit (Part I)
So, having listened to 21st Century Breakdown (Greenday), I feel that I am obligated to admit this: when my (younger) cousin first played the first Greenday album for me 'back in the day, I never ever thought they would last. Never mind that they would actually create an album that was worth listening too.
I am happy to be wrong.
I am happy to be wrong.
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