In Which I Decide I Would Like A Career In Advertising

Dear Sir Or Madam:

I would like to apply for the position of Advertising Associate I saw advertised on Craigslist. Although for the past five years I have been working in the Environmental field, organizing and maintaining approximately one hundred petroleum remediation cases and ensuring compliance with regulatory statutes, I feel that I could make a worthwhile contribution to the field of advertising, particularly to your company. I am also a graduate of College with a Master of Science in Biology and a minor in Psychology. Throughout the past several years I have seen many of the advertising promotions produced by your firm, and I feel that even in a drunken state I could have created better campaigns. In fact, the seven goats in my back yards could probably have done better with a fire and smoke signals.

In my current position, I have assisted my company in reviewing and revitalizing cases over twenty years old, setting them on a tracking system, analyzing large amounts sampling data for these historical cases, and making decisions on future remedial actions, all while keeping public health and the environment in mind. Meanwhile, I have noticed that two of your clients, (shall we call them Wally World, and a really, really large gasoline chain), have had extensive advertising campaigns, both of which involved convincing the world that they are not evil, and that, instead, they are out to do the world good. As far as I’m concerned, if a company has to continually strive to convince the public that they are not evil, or out to harm the environment, then something is seriously wrong with their public image and probably how they conduct business.

I was, however, very intrigued by the advertising slogan put forth from a local oil company (I knew your company was involved when I heard the tagline at the end of the radio advertisement), touting oil as the one true “clean energy.” Clean as compared to what? Coming from a position in which I have seen that a long-term small heating oil leak can cause long-term damage which may take years to remediate, and even contamination to supply wells, I find this hard to believe. And compared to a heat pump, propane, or even wood heat, I am at a loss to see what is ‘cleaner’ about oil. Do they mean cleaner than coal? Because that’s about all I can come up with.

I did enjoy the advertising wit of the local crab dealer (kudos to your office for this one, which I’m assuming somebody who’s on some nice meds came up with. Either that or a really lonely person), “Nice males, 3 for $99.” If only it were that easy.

While amused at the slogan of a doctor’s office I was at for work, I also found it troubling: “You’re real sick. We’re real doctors.” Is that supposed to be funny? Or scary? And I’m letting these people take my blood?

I am very interested in becoming part of your company, as I feel that it will require minimal work on my part for maximum results on your part, as long as the public is willing to be convinced. Apparently, as long as pretty people and pictures are involved, they are. I believe that my ability to analyze, multi-task with minimal supervision, while maintaining a high degree of accuracy, organization, and efficiency in my work, would benefit your company. I may be reached at the address and phone number provided. I look forward to hearing from you.